Boundaries are crucial to the overall health of a relationship.

In an intimate relationship, it is often challenging to negotiate independence and closeness. These two aspects of relatedness can seem mutually exclusive. But boundaries are the guardrails for respect and love. Without them, there is insecurity and anxiety.

Intimate partners often harbor unrealistic expectations when entering into an intimate relationship. They expect to derive a disproportionate degree of security and satisfaction from being in a relationship.  I help couples clarify their individual boundaries, desires and improve communication. I help them to appreciate and respect differences between them.

Partners frequently confuse “We feel / think” with “I feel / think”.

Intimacy can include a sort of reversal of socialization. We start out being careful and respectful. We make sure our partner feels valued, special. Then, as we relax, feel comfortable and “secure” in the developing relationship, we can forget that our partner is not an extension of us.

And of course, the reverse may also be true. We lose ourselves in the process of “loving”, become unbounded. The loosening of personal boundaries can stir up confusing and painful interpersonal experiences. This can lead to resentments.

Our family histories inevitably color our present-day relationships. They become templates for how a relationship works. I encourage individuals to develop their own value system, their own templates for loving.

We must consistently share how feel, while respecting the other’s point of view. Empathy is always a two-way street. Unless we know what is true for us, recognizing another person’s feelings will be mere guess-work.

Please visit my contact page for my schedule.